Something Wicked This Way Comes
by Elazara-Dawn
Summary: The Romance between Searia Amell and Alistair will be tested and tempted time and time again as she has to leave him to seek the answers and reasons behind her renewing Dreams... and she has a sneaking feeling that the still missing Morrigan might have a part to play. This will be a series that I'm doing, rated MA for your pleasure and protection. F!Amell/Alistair/Anders
1. Chapter 1: Unlikely Futures

SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES

**A/N: Most all characters and places are owned and property of Bioware (exception Searia and a few other minor characters). This is an A/U story and will not follow the original canon. **

**For the purposes of the story I'm about to tell, Alistair was not crowned King until after the events in Awakening (meaning he was with my Warden during those events) and Fergus was Regent in his place until Ferelden was deemed (mostly) secure from the immediate threat of Darkspawn. This is the additional story of my Warden and tracking down the Maleficar Morrigan.**

**Precautionary Warning: ****This story (not necessarily **_**this**_** chapter) will contain violence/gore/sex/smut/mature content/ ideologically sensitive material/ and profanity throughout and with varying degrees. If this is a problem please feel free to click the back button at the top of your browser.**

* * *

**Chapter ONE**

**~Unlikely Futures ~**

* * *

_Urthemiel held her captive. She couldn't move; couldn't escape his deadly grasp. His claws pinned her to the cracked stone. The sulfuric breath beating down on her chest felt like flame— slowly searing away her will, her power. Underneath everything, the pain and disgust, the nauseous crawling feeling the beast had on the taint in her bloood—she felt pity. Here was an old god, "the beautiful one"… look at him now. _

"_You are mine child," he called to her mind. His face inches from her own Dark drool-like slime dripping down his corrupted snout. "You will come when I call."_

"_Never!" she screamed out trying to submerge the fear that gripped her. "I killed you… I-I…"_

"_You what? Killed my body? Yes. Killed my soul, my spirit, the essence of that which I am? I think not."_

_Her mind refused to believe the demons taunts. "__**Liar!**__ I saw you fall under my blade. You—"_

"_No, __**you**__," he boomed, as the force of his claws crushed down on her ribs. "__**You**__ gave me rebirth. __**You**__ chose love. Him, over the death that should have claimed you both."_

_Silence filled the space between them. She struggled to breathe under him as the answer came to her mind. "M-Morrigan… the ritual."_

"_The Archdemon snapped its jaws in answer; the hint of a smile lingering in her mind. "You __**will**__ come when I call human. My blood sings to you, it calls to the corruption inside… you will be mine. Your debt has yet to be paid."_

* * *

**-X-**

Searia gasped and sprung awake as the dark dream released her. Unbidden tears streamed down her face as she tried to regain control. She sat up slowly letting her ragged breath calm. _What the flying nug-humpers just happened?_ No dream, not even during the Blight had had that effect on her. Fear, yes, foreboding most definitely, but never this skin crawling hint of truth. She clenched her eyes and teeth as she tried to ground herself. _No, it was just a dream, not a vision… or was it a message? No. No, no, no. It was just the cursed taint having an effect on the Fade. This, this here, this room was reality._ She sniffed as more tears rolled down her face, hands clenched in the sheets.

The bed shifted beside her and a callused hand brushed the remaining tears. An uncontrolled smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

She looked up into his caramel eyes, pushed her forehead naturally against his and sighed.

Alistair brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Another dream babe?"

"Hah, you could say that." She gripped his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. "I wish I knew what it all meant. I know it's not my calling, it's too early but it feels… wrong, tainted."

Worry painfully wrenched in his gut at the thought of losing the woman he loved be it through the calling or otherwise. "Don't say that, it-it could be anything. Some Wardens struggle sleeping their whole lives. I don't know what it is, but it's not your time…" he squeezed her hand in support, as if trying to convince himself that everything was alright, "it can't be."

Searia fell back into the soft bed and turned on her side gesturing for Alistair to lie next to her. He pulled her against him and she snuggled into his chest relishing the feel of his arms around her. "I don't think it's that either," she ran her hands over his bare chest smiling as she felt him shiver beneath her touch," but it does feel like something."

"Mmm, that feels good," he said slowly sliding a hand up her thigh and cupping her bottom in his palm pushing her body flush against him. "What do you mean?"

Desire tightened in her belly. _Was it normal for them to still want one another like this, does it ever go away?_ She didn't know but relished every second of it, every touch, and every stolen moment. She tried to concentrate as she answered him which was becoming exceedingly difficult. "It's like something's drawing me, calling me towards it. The dreams…they're like nothing I've ever experienced before. Like," she looked up at him silently apologizing for what she was about to say, and had to do, "like my job isn't quite done yet."

Alistair bent his head towards her and kissed her neck avoiding her eyes, he couldn't let her see the pain in his. A moan escaped her lips as she nuzzled deeper into him, he tasted so sweet, her skin so soft, the smell of vanilla and cinnamon consuming him. It never failed to amaze him how much he craved this woman, how much he ached for her. His lips kissed upwards before nipping playfully at her earlobe.

"This is where you belong," he said, not sure if he was trying to convince her or himself. The hunger in his voice was staggering, driving her to buck her hips against his already rigid member. "Here, in my arms…wanting, aching for me, my touch, my mouth."

He rolled on top of her and slowly started to unbutton his white dress shirt she wore to bed. As the last button came undone he opened the shirt exposing her soft olive skin and perfect breasts. He trailed his nose up the valley between, reveling in the way she shuddered under him before letting his mouth come to a stop at her lips. "Calling my name as I thrust into you, driving you higher until your body shudders with pleasure as I make you come again…and again."

Searia could feel her desire pool between her legs. So much had changed since there first time together, he now knew her body as well if not more than she did. No longer was he the inexperienced boy from the Blight, but a man, a King of both her heart and the people; and he was hers. Her body trembled in anticipation; she needed him like a dying man needed hope. He was her escape, always had been. He could make her forget everything when they were together like this, when they loved like this. Her hand pressed into his shoulder, "Maker Ali, I want—"

He cut her off as his mouth took possession of hers. He loved the taste of her, hunger drove him, and his member throbbed painfully as he let himself be consumed by her. Her fingers ran through his hair pulling him into a deeper kiss. Their tongues tangled, intertwining in motion escalating the passion that claimed them.

He moved his face over her neck hitting all the right spots as her breath came in heated pants. Skillfully he positioned his hand before her sex the other supporting his weight. He could feel the heat of her desire radiating off her, his own hips bucked in anticipation.

Kissing a path down her neck he licked the valley between her breasts, "Mmm, you're so sweet." He looked up into her face as his tongue curled around a nipple, her amethyst eyes piercing him with uninhibited desire. The power he had over her like this never failed to thrill him. So strong in everything, always the one to lead them to battle, always the one to hold back, never vulnerable; but here in his bed, so soft, exuding feminine sensuality, she would submit to him, beg him, excite him like he never thought possible.

Searia slid her hands over his shoulders, "Ali-Alistair…please." His tongue tortured her with pleasure, caressing, biting and nibbling her until she pleaded for any kind of release.

"Tell me Seari, tell me what you want."

She bit her lip as her mind raced thinking of all things she wanted him to do to her, of all the pleasures she could give him. She felt his hated mouth envelop her breast and sighed. "Oh Ali…I nee—"

"Fffuck," she cried as raw pleasure ripped through her, his finger deftly sliding aside her smalls and swiftly entering her core. She could feel core clutch around him as he added another finger into her. Higher and higher she climbed, her hips pressing towards him begging for more.

He sat up and a devious smile crossed his lips. He withdrew from her, laughing when a pout crossed her face, and hooped his fingers through her smalls dragging them down her legs. "Maker you're so wet."

"Your fault," she retorted a wicked smile on her face. He thrust his fingers back inside her with a wicked grin of his own, dragging them in and out while his thumb massaged her bundle of nerves driving her to the edge.

She cried his name over and over as pleasure rode over everything else. She felt him shift-his tongue taking the place of his thumb as he tasted her lust. Such wicked pleasure he gave her until she cried his name into the night, her body trembling with liquid tremors.

He lifted himself from the juncture between her legs and licked his lips sending a jolt of desire to her core. "You taste like heaven."

Searia sat up and discarded the shirt around her shoulders loving the way his eyes never left her body, the way his hands slid across her chest. She pulled him to her and enraptured him in a hungry kiss tasting herself as her tongue caressed his own. His hands coming up to cup her face, his teeth nipping at her lower lip. Sliding a hand between them she let her hand glide over his imprisoned member.

Alistair growled against her lips, he could feel himself pressing painfully against his shorts, begging her to release him from the obstruction. She pulled him up with her as she rose to her knees. Her nails erotically scratching over his chest before transforming into a sensual caress as they came to a rest at his hips. Slowly she slid off his shorts, her eyes admiring his masculine beauty, her soft hands gliding delicately over his desire.

"Seari…"

She leaned up and bit his earlobe playfully, her hand never releasing contact from his cock. "Oh, so hard…"

His hips impulsively bucked forward forcing her hand to glide roughly over him. Her eyes looked up at him and he gave her a wicked smile—his hands sensually teasing her taut nipples, "Just for you."

Alistair watched as she bent before him. He could feel the heat of her breath, her mouth oh so close. She snaked out a tongue licking at the sensitive tip. His hands sliding through her hair as a moan of pleasure ripped free. He needed her he need more, now.

He watched as she wrapped her mouth around him, the view… it was all too much, yet not nearly enough. He thrust his hips forward propelling himself deeper in her mouth. "Oh Love… you're killing me."

She laughed, laughed at him. He would have chastised her but the sensation of it on him nearly drove him to the brink.

Searia smiled. Oh how she loved this man. The feel and taste of him as he thrust into her mouth, she cherished every second of it. Swirling her tongue and gliding back and forth she pushed him higher, but never quite letting him throw himself off the edge. Every growl from his lips urging her to give him the release he needed.

"Seari, love… please," he panted.

Hands on his thigh's she pulled him in deeper, her jaw ached and throat protested but she didn't care, she wanted… needed to give this to him. Her mouth causing him such pleasure it almost hurt. Then he felt it, a jolt of pleasure running from her hands to his groin. He cried out her name as he came in her mouth, shuddering from the force of his orgasm.

He recovered shortly after hands bracing against his knees for support. One look in her eyes and he had to have her again, had to be inside her. His mouth found her breast as a hand leaned them back onto the bed.

"I love when you do that to me," he said with labored breath.

She arched into him as he toyed with her, she love the feel of his mouth on her body. Sliding a hand up his muscled chest she whispered, "what, this?" and sent another twinge of soft electricity through him leaving all his hair stand on end, while a plethora of goose-bumps covered his skin.

Alistair shivered as pleasure coursed through his body—his member once again aching to be inside her. He kissed his way up her neck distracting her before he slipped a finger inside her. "Yess, that."

"Maker," she cried. "Ali, Ali pleeease. I-I need you inside me…"

He leaned over her and captured her lips, placing his member just before her entrance teasing her with the slight contact. "Your wish is my command."

Searia cried out his name as he surged into her. The weight of him inside her filling her with wonton pleasure. Alistair thrust into her rhythmically driving them both racing towards the edge. He sat up and pulled her hips against him, filling her to the hilt.

"Fuck… Ali." Her hands knotted in the sheets around her as he drove into her faster, harder. Her stomach tightened as the first ripple of pleasure coursed through her. Her hands flew to his legs as her nails clawed down them, an intense orgasm ripping through her body.

Alistair felt her hot sheath spasm around him as she came. A flood of pleasure consuming him as her nails dug into his legs, shooting rhythmic waves through him as he followed her over the edge.

Heavy breathing filled the night around them. He gathered her naked form close to him and lie beside her brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "I love you."

She squirmed closer to him, snuggling into the embrace. "I love you too."

It was quiet for a time, the silence between them one of happy pleasure and labored breathing. Alistair idly toyed with her hair as her ran her hands up and down his chest rhythmically. He wanted this woman more than anything, yet it was the one thing he couldn't have. They had postponed the inevitable as long as they could. Fergus did more than either of them could have ask for, but there time as a couple, legally was at an end.

"Seari" he said barely above a whisper, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. For you to be in my arms like this every night as my wife. If I could, you know I'd marry you in a heartbeat, and I'm gonna to try and do just that… whatever it takes no matter how long it takes me." His thumb trailed an invisible pattern on her arm. " I-I just wanted you to know that for the rest of my life, you're going to be the only one I am and want to be with. Today… the coronation, it doesn't mean anything, that this," he squeezed her in his arms, "has to change."

Her heart ached, longing for the future he envisioned with her, yet knowing that it was a fools dream. Tears rolled unbidden down her cheeks. She knew with all of her heart that he meant what he said. That he would try to find a way, that he would stay with her and only her, no matter how much the people needed an heir, but she didn't know if she could do it. She loved him more than she ever dreamed possible, but she didn't know if she could spend the rest of her life as the love of her life's mistress. She had no desire to be Queen, but she wanted and craved to be his wife, to have that claim, to be able to stop Emon and the other nobles shoving themselves and daughters at him. Like this, she would just have to watch, or even worse worry when she was away. He was a man after all, he might not want to be with them, to want anyone else as his wife, but there really is only so much temptation a person can take. When that time came, and he told her, she would be furious, but could she really blame him? Would he blame her? _Oh what a mess._

She pretended to scratch her face and wiped the tears away trying to regain some emotional control. "I know, and I want nothing more than to be your wife. I know you too well—you'd do anything in you power that would allow us to be together, but we both know that chantry would never allow it, let alone the templar's. Even if it did happen and mage's were granted the privilege of marriage, or even freedom, they'd never allow one to rule." _Not without something drastic, and most likely bloody._

He rolled her toward him and lifted her face so he could look in her eyes. "You don't know that. You're not just any mage you know; you're the Hero of Ferelden. Right or no, that does grant you certain privileges."

"Yes it may, but you also forget how reluctant they were to even grant me that title. If not for your, Fergus', and Orzamar's insistence on the matter, I doubt they would have even said a thank you."

He kissed her softly trying to convey just how much she meant to him, his heart throbbing painfully at the thought of never being able to spend his life with her. "I just don't want being King to come between us. We've been through so much together; I don't want to lose you because of some silly title. I know being a Warden comes first for you, which means you won't always be able to be by my side, and as much as that kills and scares the shit out of me I know it's what you're meant to do, what you have to do. And if it's means anything, you know I'd rather be out there with the Darkspawn and swords then in here with these stuffy nobles and sneaky wordplay."

She slid a hand down his arm and kissed his cheek. "You know it's too bad that you won't marry," she said sarcastically, trying to turn the conversation toward happier thoughts. "You're really good at this whole husband thing… such a shame to waste it all on me."

A wicked smile sprung to his lips. "Oh really you think so, hmm well we'll just have to see what you think after I do this."

His hands wrapped around her waist as he attacked her body with his hands. Her screams of laughter filled the room as he tickled her into submission. Then lovingly he showed her how much he loved and desired her one more time before they fell asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

A/N: Thanks again for reading guys. Review and Comment!


	2. Chapter 2: Renegade

SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES

**A/N: Sorry for taking so long. I have a ton of excuses that you prolly don't want to hear. Blah, blah, blah, school, blah, blah, blah, baby, blah, blah, blah, life etc… ^_^ **

**Also comments/reviews are most welcome. Pleeese let me know what you think! I totally live off your guys' feedback!**

**And as always original DA characters are property of Bioware.**

* * *

**Chapter TWO**

**~Renegade~**

* * *

Slowly Searia slid her legs out from under the covers, trying to maneuver her body out of Alistair's sleepy grasp. It was still a few hours until dawn, the moon just starting to fall in the sky.

She wanted nothing more than to stay, to be by his side until he rose; the soft kisses he would trail up and down her neck, as he had awoken her so many times before… but things had changed. She knew they would when he took the throne, when she put him there. Those years, those mornings, were now lost to them… at least for now.

As his fingers slid over Searia's torso her teeth dug into her lower lip, the moan in her throat barely staying suppressed. Just the feel of his hands across her bare flesh sent shivers up her spine, apparently even unconscious he could have this affect on her.

She lifted her weight off the bed and turned back to the sleeping man with a triumphant smile. _Zev would be proud. _She had never had any luck with stealth; no matter how many times Leliana, Zev, and Nate tried to teach her. Sometimes she thought even they were baffled at her ineptitude. Truth be told clumsy didn't even begin to describe the ridiculous amount of damage she seemed to be able to cause herself while just walking about, it seemed the only time she was granted any form of grace was while fighting Darkspawn, and those fuckers never seemed to appreciate it either.

Her eyes turned to glance around the room. _Now where did he… ah!_

Treading carefully on the balls of her feet she fetched her clothing that was strewn across the room putting it on as she went, trying unsuccessfully not to think how they got there. For once she was thankful she was a mage. The soft fabric inside the robe comfortably slid down to conform to her strangely lithe figure. Even after the Blight and that bloody business with the Architect and the Mother she found the toned muscles strange. The Tower had left her small but not really fit, not that she was fat, but the _physical activities_ they were able to participate in didn't generate _this _kind ofresult.

She pulled at the hem of the robes straightening out all the wrinkles and bumps in the runic fabric. She couldn't imagine having to wear all that armor Alistair and the others donned. It was ridiculous, so heavy and... hard to take off.

Searia smiled as memory began to flit across her mind, before shutting it down with a scowl. She didn't want to think about that, she _couldn't_ afford to. This had to be done, it was for the best.

Her trousers and boots sat on the floor in front of her awaiting her to put them on, but something was missing. She couldn't find her smalls anywhere, she looked around again. Not on the furniture, not on the bed or bedpost, nor under Alistair's things. _Where the bloody hell…_

_Maybe. _She bent to look under the bed silently swearing if they weren't she would just give up and deal with it until she had time to fetch a different pair from her pack. It was a few hours at most, how bad could it be? Crossing her fingers she lifted the fine material of the bed skirt.

_Nope. _Nothing, not even a dust bunny in sight; the old rug that covered the floor was amazingly pristine, must be nice to be the King. With a sigh she lifted herself up and froze.

Alistair was glaring at her, eyes cold and accusing. He was leaning against one arm while the other held her smalls off a finger.

"Looking for something?"

Sweet bloody Andraste! Panic gripped her throat as sweat started to bead on her brow. Every muscle in her body was screaming at her to run, to escape, but her feet were glued to the floor. This was the last thing she wanted, he wouldn't, couldn't understand. It was easier this way, she had to go and goodbyes would just make it harder.

She gulped and held up her hands. "I-I can explain."

He swung his legs off the side of the bed, the blanket curling around his waist to avoid exposure. His hands clenched in silent fury or was it pain, at his sides, knuckles white with the force of it.

"Don't."

She recoiled slightly at the tone of his voice. It was like a slap to the face, she deserved it. She knew it, and even in knowing she couldn't bear the thought of him hating her. She just wanted a clean break, saying goodbye… it felt too permanent. Looking at him now, she thought it might be.

"Alistair…" she whispered, trying to reach out to him with words alone. She desperately wanted to explain, to tell him he was wrong, but it was just another lie. In the end even she wasn't sure if she was sorry or just sorry she got caught.

He turned his head slightly to the side. "I said **don't**. I don't want to hear any more of your lies. I just—" he sighed the sentence trailing off into his hands as his head fell forward.

Even though his back was to her she could almost see the pain on his face. Her legs finally gave out and she crumpled to the floor, the weight of her guilt crashing down upon her. She could feel his taint slightly jolt when she fell, but he didn't move from the bed. She slid herself across the floor till she could lean against the wooden armoire. As much as she knew she had to go, that there wasn't time for this, she couldn't.

Silence and tension crept between them, filling the room until it was something she felt she could grasp out of the air. The bond between them had become so entwined they could sense what the other was feeling through the taint. His was frantic with anger, pain, confusion, the feel of it violently assaulting her senses. Knowing was one thing, but feeling how bad she hurt him… it was a knife to the heart.

Gathering up what little courage and strength she had left she got to her feet. She couldn't delay any longer or it would be too late. She would come back… she had to now that he knew, now that she could feel it.

Before she could say anything he turned to her. The look in his eyes holding her to the spot. Slowly he got up and brought the sheet to his waist as he took a step forward. Searia's breath caught in her throat, her feet taking an involuntary step back. This was Alistair, her Alistair, she shouldn't be scared, yet the look in his eye dictated that scared is exactly what she should be.

He caught the feel of her through the taint and a predatory smirk sprung to his lips. He dropped the sheet around his waist and stalked the rest of the way towards her pinning her with his glare to the armoire, arms resting against the wood on either side of her face. _Why? _It was the question that kept plaguing his mind. Was it him, her, was he just not enough anymore, was their love not enough to make her stay, was it because he was king, or her a mage? In the back of his mind he knew he didn't wholly blame her she deserved more than he could offer her at the moment. Someone who didn't and wouldn't hide her, who didn't have to hold back, who could show everyone what she meant to him. His heart physically ached as he realized last night was her goodbye. He thought back on her words, "_My job isn't quite done yet. They'd never allow one to rule. Such a shame to waste it all on me."_

Her brain was suddenly in turmoil. Even though his eyes held her attention it was a constant battle to keep from looking down. The feel of him this close, his member pressed angrily against her thighs was more than distracting. She closed them hoping to dispel the power he had gained over her.

He grabbed her chin. It wasn't by force, but it wasn't a heartfelt sentiment either. "Look at me. It's the least you could do while ripping my heart out."

Searia's eyes and mouth came open though refusing to meet his gaze. She wanted to protest, but he was right. He deserved better than her, someone who could give him a family, someone who he didn't have to hide in the shadows. Something that she could never give him, finally in defeat she looked up.

"Tell me, how long have you been lying to me?" he demanded. "How long have you known you were going to leave me? How far back did you decide I wasn't enough for you?"

"That not—"

"Shhh, don't," he interrupted putting a finger to her lips. "Was it during the Blight or after when we were in Amaranthine? Or maybe when it was when you put that blighted crown upon my head, you know the one I begged you not too? The one I spent the entire Blight telling you I didn't want—or was the way I blatantly disregarded my duty as King and demanded Fergus to take my place as Regent in order to help the _'Commander of the Grey'_ in Amaranthine to save Ferelden, again, not clear enough for you?" He smashed the palm of his right hand into the armoire. "In case you didn't bloody notice I never wanted this!"

Searia's heart broke with each sentence he spoke. But it didn't change the fact the she had to go; quickly she wipes the tears from her eyes and placed a hand on his cheek. He turned away at first but she ignored it, refusing to let the gesture get to her.

"I know, but there are things—"

Then with possibly the worst timing in history there was a knock at the door, followed by a very familiar sounding clear of the throat.

"Sorry to interrupt your lovers' quarrel but had a feeling things had not gone according to plan when you did not arrive at the stables. Unfortunately if we don't leave now Commander the boat will depart whether we will it to or not."

Alistair pushed away from the armoire and shook his head. "Zev? Zev knew and—" he looked up at her, a sad curve to his lips. "You know what," he turned his back on her and leaned on the windowsill, "just go."

"Alistair—

"I said _GO._"

As fast as she could she got dressed the rest of the way pulling the straps on her thigh high boots tight against her skin, she decided to forgo the underwear, thinking it might be for the best if she didn't remind him of last night, she knew that was the last thing she wanted to think about. Walking to the door where Zev was urging her to hurry she turned back. "Maybe I wasn't going to… but I _will_ come back."

Her hand was on the knob when she felt his presence at her shoulder. His hands quickly spun her around before shoving her back into the door. The look in his eyes was a lethal combination of fear, sadness, anger, and desire. Pressing his body against her to keep her pinned his hands fell to her thighs inching up her robes as his breathing became ragged.

Searia was physically shaking from his contact. Fear was beginning to creep in her mind as she felt the slight sensation of her robes riding up her legs. She didn't know what he was doing, was he angry enough to hurt her? No, no matter what Alistair was, he would never hurt her. She could see his pulse quickening in his neck as it was becoming painfully obvious what he intended. Should she stop him, could she even if she wanted to?

Bringing his lips to her ear he whispered, "I can't pretend to know what's happening, nor your reasoning, I can't stop you… won't stop you, but I can make sure you never forget, me or this moment."

With that he bent his head to her neck and bit down as he thrust into her in the same moment gathering her legs in his arms. It was neither gentle nor loving as they both poured all they had into the act, each thrust forcing her back painfully into the door behind her with a resounding thump. She didn't care, all she could feel was him between her legs filling her, and making her feel as if no one else existed, and when she came she came harder and faster than she ever had before head rolling back into the hard wooden surface.

He released her legs without a word letting them fall to the floor before he pulled out of her with a sigh. He ran his hands through his hair and looked up at her as unshed tears pooled into his eyes. She was standing, back facing him as she smoothed out the bottom of her robes before she put her hand back on the doorknob. She was afraid if she turned around it would all be over. She had a job to do, and this was already fast becoming a huge distraction. She just didn't have time, not now.

Her hand twisted and cracked the door open when she felt his hand on hers. A shiver ran up her spine and she realized how scared she was, slowly she looked up at him and her heart broke a little bit more.

"Please, stay. I don't want to ask it, but this—you—," he took a breath, "I need you, please d-don't leave we can fix this. I-I'll do anything."

Searia took a deep breath before answering. "Don't, please don't cry over me Alistair, I don't deserve it." _Or you. "_I'll be back in a few days… I promise, we can talk then," and with that she slipped out the door and possibly out of his life.

When he could no longer hear her footsteps he sank to the ground. Memories flooded his mind as he sat there thinking of all that he had lost. The fingers of his right hand mechanically began filing across his ring finger as he sat. The slightly raised protrusions of the Dalish writing there wouldn't warrant anyone's notice, and even if it did they wouldn't connect it with her.

He silently wondered if it was a mistake, not just the tattoo, but all of it. In the end he knew it wasn't, even now, as much as it hurt and he wanted to hate her, he could never regret her.

Slamming his fist into the wooden door he managed to get up on his legs. He needed a distraction, preferably a violent one. Through the window was the first light of dawn and with that he began strapping himself in some of his sparring armor. Pulling on the final glove his eyes traced the words on his ring finger, before yanking the glove into place and heading for the sparring ring.

"'To the Void,' my ass," he hissed under his breath. He almost felt sorry for the poor chap that would face him, almost.

* * *

-X-

Searia closed the door behind her before turning her deadly gaze towards Zevran, daring him to say anything about what he possibly heard on the other side of that door.

He held up his hands in mock defeat, "Hey, don't shoot the messenger, unless of course that means you'll be my naughty nurse, in that case shoot away."

She rolled her eyes and walked ahead. "Come on Zev, let's go before were too late."

"Whatever you say Commander."

"Don't think that being my friend means I won't kill you."

He chuckled under his breath, "A bit touchy tonight aren't we?"

She let the silence grow between them. She didn't want to talk about it though she knew she would have to eventually. Zev was like that, he didn't have to say anything yet something about him made you want to tell him everything. Searia often chalked it up to some mysterious Crow hoodoo and left well enough alone. He was her sounding board and more often then she liked to admit had helped her get through some rough times.

After awhile he broke the silence, "If it's any consolation dear warden, I truly did not mean to make matters worse."

Letting a small smile touch her lips she looked at him. "You didn't. I don't think it would have made a difference, let's just go."

With that they arrived at the stables and saddled up. They had to make it to Highever by nightfall; it was going to be a long day.

She was right. Every hour seemed to drag by, each gallop of the horse ticking by the time. They didn't stop but twice to eat and water the horses. It seemed the further they got from Denerim—from Alistair—the more at ease they became and soon settled back into their old banter.

They arrived in Highever later than expected, and hurried to the docks that bordered the back of the city passing through Harper's Ford. The smell signaled their arrival before they actually saw the merchant stalls that lined the area. The acrid smell of fish and sweat hung in the air seeping into every fiber of their clothing, every strand of hair. The docks were small and could only accommodate a handful of ships at any given time due to the fishing boats that docked year round.

They didn't bother stabling their horses at an inn, there would be plenty of time for that later, but right now they had a meeting to get to.

Zev touched Searia's shoulder as she swung down from her horse and pointed to a boat ahead. "That's the one. I paid the others off."

"_You, _pay? Come on Zev don't make me laugh, you know what that would do to my image."

"Hey," he laughed, "every now and then a little spared coin can go a long way. But, alas you are right, turns out the slight mention of a little death, or the Crows is all it takes around here. And sarcasm really isn't becoming on you dear, you're better than that."

She laughed, ignoring the death and Crow threats. He got the job done; she wasn't going to hit him over the head for having a little fun-this time. "Right… the day I'm no longer a sarcastic bitch, is the day you become a bashful virgin."

He held a hand over his heart and feigned a hurt look. "Ah, you wound me. Who shall ever bed me as a bashful virgin?" He cocked his head to the side, "it matters not, I wager I could not only do that, but do so in a dress in a brothel and still get her to scream my name to the Maker."

"Why a brothel? Doesn't it kind of defeat the purpose if you're paying?"

"She would be the one paying me naturally."

Searia rolled her eyes, "naturally."

She turned from him then and drew the hood she had sewn onto her robes over her head and tied off the horse before walking towards the boat. Zev walked ahead a few paces and talked to the captain. The man looked older then he probably was. The gray strands that marred his once dark hair flurried itself over his worn face and beard. The salt water had dried his skin and she saw his fingers were covered in calluses as he held the paper Zev handed him before doing a series of head nods and shakes and handing the paper back.

Zev hopped onto the ship and held his hand out for her. She could decline but he knew she wouldn't as she was trying not to be noticed and any normal female would suffer the gesture gladly.

Gritting her teeth she stepped forward as Zev grabbed her waist and helped her onto the deck. "You're gonna pay for that."

"I'm sure I'll enjoy every minute of it _il mio dolce_. Now come," he said grabbing her hand and leading her down to the lower deck.

The floors although worn were surprisingly clean for a trade ship but as they turned and walked down a small hallway she couldn't help but feel slightly clostrphobic. The walls on either side of them, though wide enough to walk through, seemed to practically press against them, ever since first entering the Deep Roads she couldn't stand feeling closed in. Once they reached the end of the hall Searia let out a sigh of relief, it turned right and opened up to a slightly bigger, more breathable area.

Zev didn't give her much of a chance to look around before dragging her up a little further and shoving them into a small cabin. It was more or less what she expected but she didn't know if it would be enough room for what they needed.

Zev, as if reading her mind, "A bit small, but I've worked with less. Nothing to worry about, all is so far going according to plan. You just make sure you can do your… whatever it is you do, and we'll be peachy."

"I'm a mage Zev, what I do is save your ass. Now, just how are we doing this, because I can't do that hidey thing _you_ do?"

"We are waiting right now. The boat leaves in an hour, we'll be gone before that. You can just stand in the crook of the door; you won't be noticed right away. I'll be in the shadows."

"Are you sure—"

Zev held up his hand to silence her. "You have known me how long _mia cara_? I can assure you, every detail and possible outcome has been thought of."

"I know, you've never let me down before. Just, don't kill him. I'd like to at least know what happened before we slit his throat."

Zev laughed. "You and I both know you won't let any harm come to his pretty little head, no need for false pretences."

"He's just my friend Zev, or at least he used to be," she shook her head and leaned her head against the wall to stare at the ceiling. "And just because I won't kill him doesn't mean I haven't thought about it."

He smirked. "Of that I am sure."

When Searia turned her head to look at him he was gone to the shadow he had gone and she couldn't help the tinge of jealousy she felt at his skill. Closing her eyes she tried to relax the suddenly tense muscles in her shoulders. Within seconds she heard footsteps approach the door. _Okay, this is it._

"Thanks," said the familiar voice to one of the crew. It was almost enough to bring Searia to tears, but she held them back. She needed answers, and more then that she needed his help.

The knob started to turn, and finally pushed open. The last thing she remembered before all hell broke loose was a glimpse of familiar blonde hair and a flash of blue.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who suffered through it this far. Comments and Reviews are most welcome. And an we guess who's appearing in Chapter 3? Anyone? First to guess it get 100 Alistair cookies. **

**I'd also like to give a big shout out to Isabella-Monroe she's a huge inspiration in the DA Fic universe please go check out her work. She's amazing.**

**Zev Translations (Italian): **_**il mio dolce**_** -my sweet; **_**il mio dolce**_** -my dear; if for some reason that's not right blame Google translate and let me know, I'll change it.**

9


	3. Chapter 3:The Truth about Anders: Part I

SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES

A/N: **Hi again! I'm so happy to be posting again so soon, really didn't think I had it in me. Small warning though, this chapter did kind of get away from me going from my normal 3 or 4K to a little over double that at 8.7K, so please forgive me. It just kind of flowed right out of me, the words just there at the ready; my fingers hardly able to keep up. :) **

**As always PLEASE comment/Review to tell me what you think. Your feedback is an addiction I hope never to tire from. **_**Helpful **_**Criticism is welcome.**

**Nearly**** all character and places are property of Bioware. If you're a fan you'll know which ones are not.**

* * *

**Chapter THREE**

**~The Truth about Anders: Part I~**

* * *

Clarity had gone out the window and didn't look like it was returning anytime soon. _How could this happen, h-how is this even possible?_ Searia stared down at Anders limp body nearly paralyzed with anger, and fear.

Nothing could have prepared her, _them_, for what happened. Never had there been an inkling that something was wrong, after all the time, it didn't make sense. He would have been the last person she thought would be capable of falling for a demon's seduction. _That's why he'd make the perfect target; _she shook her head trying to dispel the assumptions the Warden in her was trying to make.

Zev cleared his throat in the background but she didn't turn to face him, her mind replaying over and over what she saw, what she had seen him become. When Anders opened the door Zev didn't waste any time hitting him with a paralysis dart while she used Mana Clash to disable his ability to cast. As soon as it hit his hand had flown to his neck, before he lashed out attempting a spell realizing the block that had been put on his access to the Fade. Slowly his face contorted in anger, and then something else. Anders in a flash had his dagger drawn looking in the shadows of the room, turning over the measly furniture that littered the room as he went. He was getting to close for comfort as Seari literally backed into a corner casting a Glyph of Repulsion in hopes of keeping him back as long as possible. Instead something else had happened, and as Anders fell to his knees in pain his already contorted face seeming to crack open and emit an astonishing blue light.

Suddenly his eyes flashed open making her flinch; they were no longer the soft, kind hazel she remembered but the same startling blue that glowed from his cracking skin. That's when she felt it, the block breaking under superior power, and Maker the power she felt… it wasn't natural, it was dangerous. She had fought him off then until the poison took effect wrecking the rest of the room in the process, both her and Zev tired from the effort.

It's just, how could they not know, had they missed the signs, was it possible she had trusted him too much? She cursed; so many questions filtered through her mind her legs shaky with anger glued to the floor. There as she looked, Anders was back to normal, his face covered with the familiar stubble, his robes and pauldrons exactly as she remembered.

Zev's hand grabbed her shoulder pulling her out of her reverie. "Do the spell _il mio pey _and we'll get going. We dare not terry longer; there'll be time for questions later."

Unclenching her hands and drinking a lyrium Potion she cast a Feather spell to lighten Anders weight enough so Zev could carry him with remote ease. The walk back to the deck was silent, her fury growing with every step. She felt betrayed; he had been one of her longest and closest friends; she thought she'd lost him once when he escaped the Tower never to return, and then again when she returned as a Warden with it in shambles thinking him among the dead; in Amaranthine though, seeing him again, alive—it changed everything, and nothing. This however only further hit home the fact that nothing, nothing could have prepared her for this.

Once they reached upper deck they hurried on barely giving a nod to the Captain before they departed. The spell was wearing off by the time they got to the horses and Zev heaved Anders weight gratefully on the horse before climbing up himself. They left quickly for the brothel a few blocks away. Zev arranged for a room there earlier in the week, no one would bother them there— strange noises from rooms were far from unusual in The Blushing Princess.

The trip was made in silence, both contemplating possible outcomes and dangers they were heading into. Searia had the reins on her horse in an iron grip; she was a Warden, and as such deemed that she could do with Anders as she thought fit, '_by any means necessary.'_ There were no laws against Blood Magic, no direct laws against possession, but deserters… that was another story though she suspected some leniencies were made in desperate times. Though she was Ferelden's Grey Warden Commander, the truth of it was she didn't know much about the order other than what she herself had lived through or read in Amaranthine. Ferelden had always kind of been on there own, separate from the other Wardens out there, that definitely needed to change, but as for rules and regulations they made it up as they went along. Being a Mage, in that respect she had been trained to recoil from anything to do with the more evil of the arts, not that she wasn't guilty of a little dabbling herself with Avernus' help of course. She just hoped he was okay, hoped she wouldn't have to make _that_ decision.

* * *

**-X-**

Searia didn't think she would ever get used to the smell of a brothel; a mix between sex and too much perfume assaulted her senses. She sat on a small stool across from the bed and lit a candle; Anders was still passed out on the bed his arms and legs bound to the bedpost to prevent further catastrophe. The clock on the wall slowly ticked by the time, seeming exceedingly loud under the circumstances; it was still early and the brothel was relatively empty aside from a few patrons at the bar.

A minute later Zev returned to the room carrying not two, not three, but four bottles of Antivan wine decidedly look like the cat that ate the canary. "I bring tidings from Madam Lolita's private reserve."

Searia sighed in relief; Maker knows she could use a drink. She took a bottle from him and uncorking it taking a hefty gulp. "Zev have I ever told you how much I love you?"

Ah _il mio dolce_," he said seating himself on the floor, back against the wall, "that you have, although I've noticed it's usually when I have some type of delicacy for you to imbibe. Careful, you'll give a man a complex."

She took another sip and smiled. "Well it's not like any of us have manage to take you down a peg yet, so a little complex might be good for you." She looked over at the bed again not able to quite forget why they were there. She cared for Anders deeply, as a fellow Mage and long time friend he was often there and could understand when and in ways no one else could, she needed to know what happened, and more then that why he didn't tell her.

Zev brought the wine bottle down from his lips and followed her glance. A small smirk crossed his face before he shook his head as if dismissing a private thought. "He'll most likely be out for a while yet. A mage's tie to the Fade tends to fight the poison faster so the batch I used was double strength. If you want to rest, I can keep watch for you, you've been though a lot today."

Searia smile lightly before looking at him. He always seemed to know what to say without saying it directly yet still getting the point across. He was worried about her, but she knew sleep would evade her, without Al—**him** beside her the dreams would undoubtedly grow worse making sleep nearly impossible. "No, I've been though worse. This is nothing compared to what's coming, and what we've already gone through."

"Too right you are. I have to admit to feeling a little melancholy myself as of late, it's been a trying couple of years."

She chuckled under her breath, "That's the understatement of the Age."

The ticking of the clock once again made itself known as they both finished off the bottles of wine. Slowly falling into a slightly subdued banter of familiar camaraderie as they tried to keep their own demons at bay.

After another fit of giggles by Searia, Zev got a clouded look in his eyes before nodding his head towards the man in the bed, "seeing him like that, it chilled the bone. It—" he sighed, "it's not a feeling I'm used to experiencing towards any but you."

Heart swelling with the depth of his loyalty Searia crawled off her chair making her way to Zevran. She was sure she could walk, she just didn't know for how long or how well. Putting her head on his shoulder she wrapped an arm around his back for comfort. "I'm sorry; I'm being so utterly selfish and I let my anger get the best of me, I forgot how this would affect you. Was-was it serious?"

He laughed deep in his chest reverberating her head on his shoulder. "Maker no! Not to say there's something wrong with it, for others, but you know what the idea of such seriousness does to me. But how long have you known, we were exceedingly discreet?"

"You forget how long I've known Anders… and you. You're like peas in a pod, well at least when it comes to your libido. If it's attractive, has two legs, and there's pleasure to be had, you don't have to be a betting man to know what's gonna happen if the targets willing enough." She laughed, "Trust me, I didn't have to catch you two sneaking about to know you were sleeping together, I probably knew it would happen before you did, you two are probably the most willing targets in all of Ferelden, it was only a matter of time until one of you made a pass at the other."

Ha-ha, "Touché Commander. You know for a mage that can't even manage the simplest of clandestine maneuvers you certainly have a knack for finding information. You have this seductive manipulation with the way you talk when you want something that has men, and even women eating from palm of your hands. Somehow you compel them, make them want to divulge their darkest secrets. Hmm, maybe you're not such a complete failure as a rogue after all."

Searia narrowed her eyes at him, "Wow Zev, you had me all the way till the end on that one, you sure know how to pay a girl a compliment. Besides you forget living in the Tower was all about manipulation. The more you knew and people you could manipulate the safer you were; blackmail is a beautiful thing."

_Safer. _The word hung in the air for a moment, Searia hiccupping shyly if such a thing were possible, Zev decidedly not commenting on the small disclosure. "That it is _il mio malizioso_. Though I do wonder…"

"Hmm?"

He flashed a wicked grin, eyebrows raised. "You and Anders?"

She raised an eyebrow in feigned confusion, "Me and Anders _what?" _

Oh she did not want to get into this, with _**him**_ of all people. Her sex life was an open book for too long during the Blight and Amaranthine was hardly better, she still couldn't live some of the more risqué and embarrassing stories down; she was not about to allow him to weasel out information from her more promiscuous years. She made a mental note to threaten Anders if he ever told anyone anything about _that_ aspect of her life in the Tower, not that it was bad per say, but there are just some things that a person should take to the grave, some things that no one else would understand.

He rolled his eyes, "Oh please, don't play coy with me Seari, it's not like I'm not aware of what goes on in that place, and it's not like Anders has kept it incredibly secret. No, I was just curious if you and Anders had ever..." with this another wicked grin made an appearance, "consorted, as it were."

She felt heat rise to her face and hoped it wasn't noticeable over the flush from the wine. Oh she couldn't remember all of her 'distractions' in the Tower, but there were a key few. She lifted herself from his shoulder and sat cross-legged in front of him, "Well aren't you just the curious little elf? My lips are sealed."

"Oh now I am _most_ interested. I can't help but wonder what you would gain from hiding the truth. If you two do indeed have a past in consorting, I can't imagine why you'd want to deny it save Alistair, and he doesn't exactly have a chance in hearing at the moment. However, if you didn't I wonder why you wouldn't just say it out right."

He sat there a moment hand on his chin looking as if he was contemplating his next move, solving the most intricate of puzzles while Searia resembled something akin to a brick wall.

Zev adjusted his position hiking one knee up resting an arm on top of it. "Now that I think about it as far as I can tell you've never spoken much about anything you did while you lived there. No, I imagine something else has your guard up, maybe something in between the two, or it could be that Anders knows something you do not wish to divulge, perhaps a bit of all three."

He was much closes to the truth than she liked, but there wasn't much she could do about that. She _was_ glad however that he thought even Alistair wasn't in the know, not that he would have been if it wasn't for him overhearing what she thought had been a private conversation with Anders one night.

* * *

**-X-**

******She remembered it as if it happened yesterday. She had walked into their bedroom at Vigils Keep and instantly felt the anger radiating off of him, the Taint in his blood gnawing at hers in barely restrained fury.

She hadn't seen him at first, but as her eyes scanned the room she noticed his hand gripping the arm of a high backed chair facing the roaring fireplace. Looking back on it she wished she would have left him alone, but unknowingly she had practically ran to him asking what was wrong, needing to know what had him in such a foul mood, what had him so unnaturally agitated.

Alistair was silent for what felt like a lifetime, before finally looking up at her. The hairs on the back of her arm had shot up as the sudden feeling of danger overwhelmed her. Never had he looked at her like that; only one other time had she seen that intense murderous glare and it was nearly a year before when he had confronted Loghain, and she couldn't help but remember that that had ended in his beheading.

Searia had backed up against the mantle nearly tripping on the rug under her feet. Her voice shaky, "Alistair wh-what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" he'd demanded his words biting and vicious but nearly coming out as a hysterical laugh. "What's wrong she asks," he closed his eyes shaking his head before running a hand through his hair making it stand on all ends. His eyes darted to her own, "Oh, I'll tell you what's wrong my dear. I go down to grab a bit of a snack from the kitchen when I hear your voice coming from the library, on the way back I stop thinking I might grab you so we can enjoy the rest of our evening alone. Then low and behold to my surprise to find you with that infernal fucking mage you're so bloody fond of, only to hear what could only be my whole sodding world falling down around me."

She remembered not being able to breathe, the feeling of the wind being knocked from her, she saw everything she had built with him quickly going up in smoke. She hadn't known what to do; he wasn't supposed to have found out this way, she was trapped. So naturally she had done the stupidest thing possible… turned the tables on him. Anger fueling her courage she'd straightened her back and accused him of being a bastard for eavesdropping.

Alistair stood up out of the chair so fast it fell backwards, before walking straight up to her. He didn't yell or scream, he didn't have to, his tone was enough; the words seething through clenched teeth, "Don't you dare try and make this about me. I find out the woman I was planning on spending the rest of my life with not only slept with half the Circle Tower mages but played whore to a Templar too and you try and make this about me? Who in the bloody Void do you think you are?" He turned his back on her stalking to the other end of the room resting a fist forcefully on a bookshelf.

Searia remembered feeling thoroughly ashamed at his words; she had never felt so filthy in her life. Sex had been a reprieve from all the hate and imprisonment of their daily lives, an escape, never had she thought anything reprehensible about her sexual frivolousness. Alistair had in seconds taken that from her and made her feel worthless, it's not like she ever thought there was a permanent way out, never a life for her beyond those stone walls. She didn't let him see how much his words wounded her and she'd narrowed her eyes at him refusing to let him intimidate her into a corner.

"Sod off you addle-headed prick! I'm so sorry during my captive years in that prison they call a Tower I didn't think to save myself and protect my virtue for a future I didn't even know was possible."

He'd whirled around to glare at her only a few feet apart. "Just because you grew up in a cold, hard place doesn't mean you have to spread your legs for anything with a cock, it's called having bloody self-control. Could you really not keep your sodding legs together, couldn't you have just said no? Or was the idea of a cock between your legs too much of a temptation for you? I thought you were different, I thought you had a sense of morality, but no. For Makers sake when you said you were experienced I thought you meant you had had sex before, not that you bedded the whole of bloody Ferelden."

She'd clenched her hands together as ice started to harden over her fingertips. "I'm sure the Templar's that made it their joy to rape any of us they desired would have listened to my pleading shrieks."

"Oh rape is it now? Well from the conversation I overheard yours were shrieks of a different kind."

She remembered the feeling of time stopping as she watched her hand covered in ice strike Alistair's jaw. He'd staggered and fell back into the bookshelf pulling shelves down as he went, she hadn't stayed long enough to see what happened next.

It might have been wrong and counterproductive at the least, but in her fear and anger she'd run straight to Anders. He would know what to do; he would understand why what Alistair had said affected her so much, had made her so deadly close to losing control of her magic. She found him in his room reading slouched sideways across the plush armchair legs dangling over the side. Nothing was said as he slowly got up from his chair seeing her face and walked over to her pulling her into his arms.

As soon as her head made contact with his shoulder she's started to sob, when she'd finally calmed enough to talk she'd told him everything, every word they had said and all the reasons she didn't know if she could forgive him. They talked long into the night him trying to give her advice while drinking wine with her head laid in his lap, his fingers lightly playing with her distressed white hair and soon enough they both fell asleep.

A knock at the door the next morning jolted them both awake having Anders stumble to his feet as he had lifted Searia off of him before he went to the door. As fate would have it, it was Alistair trying to find Searia, she was able to see him through the crack in the door—he looked like hell, and she imagined she didn't look much better. She rubbed the bridge of her nose trying to ease out the tension she felt in her face. Crying obviously did not agree with her.

Lost in her thoughts she hadn't realized how heatedly they were arguing. Anders was defending Searia, Alistair shouting that it was none of his business. Anders had then turned in his anger and said it became his problem when _said_ women is also his best friend and runs in the night to him in tears because the bastard she's in love is too insecure to accept her for who she is now and not her past, before slamming the door in his face.

Anders hadn't been able to make it past two steps when the sound of a fist slamming forcefully into it resounded into the room. Anders dropped his shoulders and let out a tired sigh as Alistair's voice screamed for him to open the door.

Searia had had enough, was it not enough for him that half the castle had probably heard them last night that he now had to a make a scene when they were all sober enough to remember it. She'd quickly wiped the tears and crust from her face and walked to the door swinging it open crossing her arms over her chest. "WHAT?"

Alistair staggered back a step; she could tell he had not expected her to come out. She could shock herself for being so stupid, of course he wouldn't have known she'd spent the night there. _Oh well, too late now. _Searia had thought, had hoped he was there to apologize but no. She saw his hands clench and a pained look come over him as he just stared at her disbelievingly. She saw his hand clench his chest, and her heart bent a little again for him. He couldn't think… could he? Seemingly forgetting whatever he had wanted Anders for he barked at her demanding to know if she took a page out of her past and had spent the night with Anders.

She was appalled. Did he really think so little of her? She tried telling him that nothing had happened but he wasn't listening, just continued spewing accusations at her. At first she had felt a little bad at the dark bruise that covered the left side of his face, but at his words she was beginning to wish she'd drawn blood. She felt the power just beneath the surface her anger bubbling recklessly close to her breaking point. Luckily Anders intervened putting a comforting arm around her and told him to back off, that he didn't know what he was talking about and was going to lose Searia forever if he didn't get his shit straight.

Alistair forcefully reached out grabbed Searia's arm prying her from Anders grasp attempting to pull her resisting form down the corridor saying that they needed to talk, _alone. _ She saw heads poke out of doors at this point, a concerned looking Nathaniel and angry Oghren followed by the realization of Zev's hands wrapping around Alistair's throat. She pushed at his chest not wanting to go anywhere with him nor wanting him harmed though not quite sure why when acting like such a pretentious ass. Alistair struggling with Zevran behind his back wasn't getting the hint and when her pounding wasn't having any effect on his grip shocked him with a rather powerful bolt of lightning.

Alistair collapsed to the floor nearly taking Zev with him, his body shaking with spasms. Standing over him Searia wondered how things had gone so wrong so fast. She knew she would have to talk to him eventually, but she had never seen him so angry, so just downright mean. She rubbed her arms where his hands had bruised the skin, until he calmed—_they_ calmed down enough to talk civilly she couldn't be around him and when he was finally able to stand back up on his feet she told him as much.

He hadn't liked the idea especially since he knew that she would spend more time with Anders but eventually he acquiesced once Searia promised she would seek him out when she was ready to talk.

Back in Anders room Searia was alone, Anders had gone with Zevran, Nathaniel, and Oghren down for something to eat leaving her to get a bath and try to relax, not that they had liked the idea of leaving her alone when in Oghren's words, _"her nug-humping, Templar, pansy of a boyfriend was wandering free about the Keep to try and assault her again_." She had kissed his cheek and thanked them all telling them it was unlikely with all of them on watch looking out for her. Though it took awhile she was finally able to convince them she would be okay long enough to take a bath on her own, and Anders promising to keep her company, after that they had acquiesced and left.

Unfortunately the hot water seemed if anything to make her feel more tired, both physically and mentally and as soon as the bath started to cool and fingers pruned she escaped wrapping herself in towel just before she heard a noise from the other room signaling Ander return. He appeared in his privy doorway a moment later smiling reassuringly carrying something under his arm.

Not missing a beat, as if her almost nudity didn't even phase him—he handed her a set of robes he had pilfered from her room before he had engulfed her in an encompassing hug. In the comfort of his familiar arms tears once again pooled in her eyes. Pulling back he tucked a stray strand of her ethereal white hair behind her ear, "You going to be okay?"

She had smiled halfheartedly and gave a shrug, not quite knowing what to say. Anders sighed skewing his mouth at her response and rubbed her arms in comfort, "Do you love him?"

Searia had pulled out of his grasp and walked behind the screen next to the tub so she could get dressed. "I—yes, I do, but it's not that simple. Seeing him like this, the things he said, it just… it makes me wonder if the fact that I love him is enough. If he can't get over—"

"Don't. Andraste's tits Seari, don't let him make you feel like your past was wrong or iniquitous. You've went through enough then and now. What is it that you see in that bloody Templar anyway? You never would have even thought twice about someone who talked to you that way, and you sure as hell would have done more than bruise his cheek and give him a little shock."

She had laughed, after all that had happened Anders was still the one that could make her laugh in any situation; she knew he was right as her mind circled around past confrontations. "You're right; if it _was_ anyone else I would have too, and enjoyed it a helluva lot more." She sat down in front of the vanity trying to tame her wild hair when Anders came up from behind to assist her, comb in hand. She looked up at him kindly, a big smile reaching across her face, "You haven't done this in ages, since before your what, sixth escape?"

"Mhmm," he answered consumed in his task of putting some semblance of order to her hair, pushing strands of her bangs out of if his way.

She knew he was listening just too focused to answer properly and continued, "I had wondered if I'd ever see you again you know. I had heard of your recapture once I reached Ostagar and when I'd returned as a Warden… I thought you—," he put a hand on her shoulder and she met his eyes in the vanity mirror, "I thought you were dead. I cried myself to sleep for weeks."

Anders face had softened seeing how much his death would have affected her, it was a sobering thought. "They didn't tell you did they— those bastards, though it's hardly surprising." He sighed, "When you left I had already been recaptured—one year solitary confinement."

Searia remembered how bad that news had shocked her. A year… how long had he been right under her nose, without her even… _those Templar bastards. How could HE have not told her? _She was seething. "I never would have left if I had known, not without you, or at the very least saying goodbye."

Anders finished up her hair and smiled, at the result or her words she couldn't quite tell. "I know, but don't worry about it. I'm glad you got out of that place; and it wasn't so bad for me, well most of the time, you know how those bastards are." He shrugged, "As soon as my confinement was over I asked for you, but when I found out... I just escaped again," he paused thoughtfully as if deciding to reveal something before continuing, "it was with _his_ help you know, your other Templar."

Searia had narrowed her eyes in warning, "Don't call him that. He—it—that whole thing, all of it, was a mistake, a means to an end, and for the record no, it is not up for discussion, ever. Not with you, not with Alistair, not anyone."

He nodded, "Duly noted."

She had nodded in return and stood up hands still gripping the vanity as she looked at Anders work in the mirror. He truly was gifted, not that she would tell anyone— an unspoken secret between the two of them. "I don't know how you do it, but it looks amazing. I could never get it to look like this on my own, a fact that became blatantly obvious during the Blight. You sir are a miracle worker, much better than even Leliana managed."

He gave an exaggerated bow that left them both in giggles. Once they settled he looked at her sideways before grinning like a madman and pulling her into the other room. She followed him until they were in the center when he stood her before him. She was more than a little confused, that was until the music had started to play and was whisked away in his arms.

Searia smiled now remembering the dance. It was one of her great guilty pleasures and Anders was a phenomenal partner. She had started to laugh as he spun her, not being able to help enjoying the small reprieve from current events. Another song started, a slower one, and they moved well together seamlessly following to the rhythm and beat of the music.

The side of his head was touching hers, his lips just above her ear. "Would my death really have meant so much to you?"

She had pulled back from him then as she imagined she had looked somewhere between astonished confusion and slight anger on her face. "How can you even ask me that?" She shook her head in disbelief, allowing her hands to play miscellaneously with the rings on his robe, "I-Anders the simple truth is I wouldn't have survived that place without you. You made it bearable, you taught me how to not let them win, not let them take everything away when they had more than they deserved already. When they took anything they wanted without repercussions, everything that happened to me, to us… you-you were always there for me, as my best friend," she smiled, "my wingman, or anything between."

Apparently she had started crying again because she the next thing she knew she felt his hands on her face wiping them away. She looked up at him then and her breath had caught in her throat. He had only looked at her like that once before and it was just as unsettling as she remember it, if not more so. She remembered thinking he was too handsome for his own good when his thumb lightly brushed her bottom lip causing her mouth to pop open as she inhaled from the intimate gesture. A deep pulling in her abdomen suddenly made itself known as he leaned his face towards hers, and only too slowly did she realize what it was… desire.

Things escalated quickly from there as with the first taste of his mouth upon hers she found she was ravenous for him. In seconds his hands had pulled her flush against him the feeling of his rather impressive erection pressing against her robes into her thigh. She pulled his hair back nipping at his neck loving the groan of pleasure that had escaped his lips.

Their movements had been wild and untamed moving from place to place around the room, her robes ending on the floor, his in pieces after she had slowly burned them off his body one singe at a time. Anders still had his trousers on resting deliciously low on his hips allowing her a glimpse of the seductive V-shaped muscles located there. She was left only in her smalls when he roughly pinned her against the wall near his bed his mouth toying with her sensitive nipples. She cried out in pleasure, nails digging into his sides as her legs wrapped about his waist as he roughly took the sensitive peak between his teeth rolling it back and forth.

He grinned enthusiastically lifting her higher against the wall, "So you still like it rough… good to know things haven't changed that much.

She smiled and gave a sort of pleasure filled laugh and snapped her jaw playfully in example, "What can I say; you bring the animal out in me." It wasn't a lie either, what her and Alistair had was intense and wild, but nothing like the primal savagery she was experiencing now. It had never been like that between them; love brought a different element to the bedroom, one that was softer but just as arousing and fierce.

Anders toyed with her a bit more allowing her hands a chance to roam over his well defined chest before slipping a hand between their bodies deftly pushing aside her smalls before plunging two fingers into her hot and ready sheath. Searia cried out at the feel of him inside her gripping his muscled biceps as her core clamped around him. In and out he went building and raising her closer to the precipice, his mouth ravishing hers swallowing her cries of pleasure.

Releasing her mouth his breathing labored and thick with desire he had said, "bite me."

She hadn't needed to be told twice and leaned forward her mouth conforming to the shape of his slightly tanned shoulder grazing her teeth erotically over the skin. In an instant she was coming; the familiar jolt of pleasure between her thighs sending her fantastically over the edge. She had almost forgotten the feel of pleasure only a could offer in the bedroom, almost. She bit down hard, Anders groaning in a mixture of pleasure and pain as her teeth drew blood.

She tasted his blood in her mouth and pulled away, it had the familiar coppery metallic taste but something else underlying that. Curious and in a haze of euphoria she had reached out tasting him again as the sensation hit her, that soft familiar tingle running over her tongue, lyrium. If she focused she could feel its tingle in his blood all the way down her throat, and yet it was different then her own it had a hint of, well, him.

When she had finally looked at him Anders was wide-eyed and staring at her. It didn't hit her at first but after a moment she got it, realizing what she had done. Blood-sharing wasn't something to be taken lightly as a mage, it wasn't Blood-Magic per say, but it was considered sacred at the very least and was banned by the Chantry ages ago when the Tvinter's found a way to use it against its practitioners.

She had been away from the Circle so long that she had forgotten. Surrounded by blood and death for years and now lost in—in whatever it is this was, she just forgot to be careful, forgot the rules that came with being with a mage.

She hadn't wanted it to get awkward, well more awkward then it was and with his blood in her veins acting like an aphrodisiac she had just pretended it hadn't happened. Pushing her back against the wall she used her hips to force him back so she could slip out of his grasp and go down on her knees before him.

She'd trailed her nails down his torso before making quick work of the ties on his trousers pulling them and the shorts he wore beneath down in one fail swoop. Her eyes widened appreciatively at the size of his member, he was rigid with desire, bucking in anticipation of the pleasures to come. She'd licked him from base to tip before wrapping her hand around his thick shaft pumping a few times experimentally to get a feel of what he liked.

Above her she could tell Anders was enjoying every second of her attentions, and as he felt the hot cave of her mouth on him he was in ecstasy, gasping in pleasure as she engulfed him again and again. His hands were braced on the wall behind her digging into the stone wall. Her hands on his thighs, she sent a soft jolt though him causing his knees to quiver slightly as his hands gripped the sides of her head forcing her mouth to meet his pace. She made a small sound of protest at first, the quick movement startling her but soon gave into his demands as he fucked her mouth.

When he came it was cataclysmic and had caught both of them by surprise with its intensity. His hands once again bracing the stone wall only this time it was to keep his balance. He had pulled her up against him and savagely kissed her tasting himself on her sweet mouth. He pulled away to kiss her neck, her hands traveling over his well muscled torso enjoying the feeling of him in her hands.

Then he had done something that would change everything. Resting his forehead against hers he had whispered, "He doesn't deserve you Seari, not if he can treat a goddess like you like that."

She had stood stock still for a moment. It wasn't that the sentiment was at all unexpected or even offending; so much as it made her realize what the hell she was doing. She could feel his hands still roaming against her body his member once again rock hard, but it was no longer the same, she no longer desired it, not when all she could think of was _him_.

"Stop." She pushed him away lightly and he'd responded immediately noting her tone was off, wrong. She looked up at him woefully shaking her head, "I can't… I-I love him."

He nodded knowing she meant she couldn't continue, not with _him_ on her mind, not when the love she had spoke of was clearly stronger than even she had realized. He leaned forward kissing her forehead before they both had dressed in silence each consumed with their own thoughts. She was dressed before him as he had needed to find a new outfit; while she waited she picked up the half chard bits of his robes that littered the floor, tossing them on his bed as she went.

She sat on the edge of his bed when she was done; she didn't want to run away from him or what they did. She wanted to let him know that she didn't regret it; which she didn't, so much as she wished she hadn't ever felt like it had been okay to begin with. _Oh how the mighty have fallen._

When he had emerged he kneeled before her, making them the same height even though she was sitting. He took her hands in his and sighed in what almost appeared as defeat, "If you want to fix things you know you're going to have to tell him… everything. Not _this_, but everything else, about me, the other mages, Irving, Greagoir, Jowan, the Templar's, Cullen, all of it."

He squeezed her hand giving her all the support her could knowing how hard it would be for her to do what she had to. "But before you leave I must ask you for two things in return."

She nodded, knowing if she were to talk it would come out as a sob. _Why did this feel like he was saying goodbye?_

He smiled though it hadn't quite reached his eyes. One, don't let him allow his knowledge of what happened make you feel worse about yourself or drive a wedge in the friendships of the ones you love and—"

"Anders," she choked, "you know I would never do that. Wh-what you did-what happened between us, it was necessary, I mean I had to b-beg you for Makers sake. If not…"

"Shhh, Seari I know. He just might not see it that way at first, maybe not ever. He doesn't know what we had to go through, what some _still_ go through. He probably won't take it out on you, but he may try to take it out on me. Not because he even wants to, but because I was there, because someone else has such a close connection to the one he loves. Simply put, because he's a man."

She wanted to say more but he'd put a finger to her lips silencing her. "The second thing is harder to ask for, and I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I don't ask for this lightly and must ask that you not ask why in return. If it helps you can think of it as my way of evening the score."

By now she had raised an eyebrow in confusion but hearing him out was the least she could do, she owned him 1000 times over for everything he had done for her, she just hoped Alistair would understand, could understand that much.

Anders sighed and in explanation pulled off his pauldrons and shifted his robe aside to reveal her bite mark. He had healed it and even though it was so small no scarring should have happened she could clearly see where each of her teeth had bitten into his skin hard enough to draw blood. Consumed by what she was seeing she had unwittingly reached out and touched the little scars she had made in his skin.

When she had looked back at his face she could see in his eyes how badly he was willing her to understand what he was asking. She didn't know why he'd wanted this, and to this day she still didn't know, but she had known that for some reason he'd needed that.

She had consented and after a brief discussion about placement decided the skin just below the pinky on her right hand would be best—this way if Alistair asked where the scar came from she could tell him in her anger she had hit and cut it on something. It was all done fairly quickly freezing the skin over the area to make the skin numb and sensitive enough that the skin would break easily. Before she knew it it was over, Anders healing her hand and they never mentioned it again.

With that over she knew it was time to go, the hardest part not even yet begun. She got up and headed for the door but Anders hand had grabbed hers softly stopping her. She faced him as his hands roamed over her arms when she felt the familiar warmth of his healing magic, healing the marks Alistair had left there. With a jerk she was wrapped in his arms as he hugged her tightly to his chest. She hugged him back glad that the comfort she took from him hadn't been ruined by what transpired earlier. He spoke, it was barely audible but she felt his voice muffled against her neck but she had heard him.

He pulled back and kissed her gently on the lips for the last time, both of them ignoring the slight jolt of electricity they felt there before he had let her go.

Once she had left his room she had gone to her own, thankfully Alistair wasn't there. She wanted to have another bath before confronting him, and her past. She didn't know what would happen but she had to try, she loved him, and if that wasn't enough, well, it would just have to be, it's all she had to give.

As she left her room she thought about what she had to do and everything that had happened. She didn't know how to tell Alistair everything that she had to, she was beyond scared and didn't know if it was because she'd have to relive everything that happened or not knowing how he would react.

She didn't know how to tell Alistair the truth about Anders and everything else, about how she had begged Anders, the best and only trusted friend in the Tower, to take her virginity so the Templar's wouldn't. She didn't know how to tell him how all of them had experienced the fear of rape and that others still were. How did she tell him that when Cullen had shown an interest in her and was kind that she had used him as protection against the others? Would he forgive her for her part in Jowan's misguided attempt at love and freedom? Would he even believe her, could he still love her after he knew the truth?

"_I still don't think he deserves you," _Anders had whispered. In actuality though, it was her that didn't think she deserved him.******

* * *

**-X-**

Zev was squatting in front of her waving a hand in front of her face, "Hello in there, anybody home?"

Searia sighed and pushed him away landing him on his ass, "Oh course I'm here, don't be ridiculous."

He stood up exaggeratedly brushing off nonexistent dirt from his leathers. "Hmm, I doubt that very much _mia cara_. You have been gone a fairly long time, I wonder what had you so lost in thought?"

She waved him off, "Nothing, nothing of importance anyways." She shrugged and cocked her head towards the bed, "How's he doing?"

Zev didn't press for more though the quizzical look from his face didn't fade. "Fine, that's why I got you. The poisons wearing off, he'll wake soon."

With renewed energy she got up and was at Anders side moving the stool beside the bed so she could sit. His face was covered in a sheet of sweat and his head twitching every couple of minutes.

Taking out a rag from her pack she wet it with water from a pitcher on the nightstand and wiped his face. The stubble on his chin made an odd scraping noise against the material causing his face to scrunch up in irritation. She smiled to herself; he looked so peaceful, like he always did, like nothing in the world was wrong. How looks could lie, she knew something not so peaceful lurked inside the man before her, she just hoped it wasn't too late.

A few minutes later his twitching grew more frequent, Zev automatically came closer positioning himself on the other side of the bed hand on his dagger, ready for anything.

Searia moved the stool away and climbed on the bed straddling their captive, she wanted this to go smoothly and the closer she was the better chance she had at stopping it before something got out of hand.

She looked to Zev and at his nod she began. Slowly she brought her hand to Anders cheek and gave it a light slap, when nothing happened besides a crease in the brow she repeated it on the other side. "Come on now, wakey wakey."

Watching closely they saw his eyes start to crack open before shutting quickly closed as the rooms bright light assaulted his retinas. His hands pulled against the restraints binding him followed by his feet, his eyes finally flying open as the panic of being held against his will set in.

Searia smiled as she saw his hazel eyes meet hers. "Now now, we can't have you leaving us that easily again can we? No, you sir have got some serious explaining to do."

Anders allowed a slight smile cross his face as he looked at his two kidnappers. " Now I can't say I'm completely surprised, but usually in this dream," he nodded towards Searia with a wicked grin, "you're naked and might I add up slightly higher," he said licking his lips insinuatingly. Then nodding to Zev the grin getting slightly more lecherous," and you're, well let's just say you're busy lower shall we?"

Searia and Zev shot knowing looks at one another before falling into hysterics. Zev sobering enough stood back up properly. "Well at least we know he's not completely crazy," he said making a looping gesture with his finger beside his head, "but it does seem as if he's a bit… intoxicated. Coherent, but perhaps on a high that does not necessarily have to do with adrenalin; I would bet he's not entirely in control of his verbal filter.

"Great… though if I hadn't known about you before, I certainly do now." Zev responded by sticking his tongue out before returning his attention to the man beneath her.

She sobered immediately remembering why the restraints had been necessary. She reached out a signal getting a feel for the shape of his Taint within the fade. Most Wardens like sensing the Darkspawn could eventually sense one another as well. It had taken some serious getting used to at first but Searia had also discovered being a mage she could sense other Warden Mages better than even Alistair. Having the common connection they did to the Fade she could seek out the Taint there and know without much hesitation, who they were, where they were, what condition they were in, as well as, if she was close enough, the wellbeing of their soul within the Fade. All Anders seemed normal though it was different, warped somehow yet not contaminated, by demons at least. Looking to Zev she nodded, "All remains to be seen, though I can say for a fact whatever it is, it's attached to him, though not malicious, definitely dangerous."

Anders looked sheepish under her critical scrutiny and sighed regretfully. "Ah so am I to take it that you've been reacquainted with Justice?"

Zev and Searia's expression turned equally quizzical at this, "If that's your way of asking if you glowed blue light and tried to kill us, then yes, I guess we have."

Anders eyes grew wide at this before shaking his head sadly. "Yes, then it appears I do have a lot of explaining to do. I'll tell you everything, though if neither one of you are getting naked, could you be a dear and cut me down?"

* * *

**A/N: Thanks again for reading. Love you all bunches!**

**Zev Translations (Italian): **_**il mio pey:**__** my pet; **__**il mio dolce:**__** my sweet; **__**il mio malizioso:**__**my mischievous one; **__**mia cara:**__** my dear.**_


	4. Chapter 4:The Truth about Anders: PartII

SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES

*******A/N: ****Some may not agree with my portrayal of Justice within this story, but it's just my opinion of how things may have been. Although Anders says in DAII that "not even the greatest scholar could tell where Justice ends and I begin," or something to that extent it seems somewhat contradictory in my opinion.**

**For one while in the Fade during the Night Terror's quest & the whole Feynriel debacle he refers to himself as Justice, literally saying "I am Justice." Two, they have different personalities Anders although a bit more broody (but come on who would be being possessed by a spirit that sat on your shoulder hounding you all day about how you should live your life) can still joke around and smile on occasion while Justice as you see in the Fade during Night Terror's doesn't seem to hold any ill will towards you nor anyone else for that matter and just seems rather a 'intent on the goal' kind of person which is just a more focused, driven, single-minded version of what we saw in Awakening. Three, if you romance Anders when he finally comes to your place (After 3 sodding years of some kind of Maker given restraint) he say's "Justice does not approve of my obsession with you, it is something on which HIM and I disagree" clearing stating how there two different entities within the same body who share different thoughts by singling Justice out. **

*******A note**** on the Justice/Anders conversations. The **_**bold italic=Justice, **__The plain Italic=Anders internal dialogue with Justice. _**Some of what Anders says/thinks in his internal dialogue is in quotation marks (" ")****this marks things he is ****directly saying/thinking**** to Justice, but Justice ****is**** privy to all Anders thoughts.**

* * *

Chapter FOUR

~The Truth about Anders: Part II~

* * *

**(Anders)**

Anders sighed aloud as Searia's hands gripped the sides of his head letting the familiar warmth of her healing magic consume him. He could feel the last recesses of poison leave his body, his once fuzzy and cloudy head clear.

"Alright," she whispered into his ear, her breath caressing his neck, "I'll admit it; maybe demanding I take those rudimentary healing lessons wasn't such a waste of time after all."

"Of course I was, I told you I was always right, when will you learn," he asked blinking his eyes open only to meet her oddly striking amethyst eyes. Her white bangs hung haphazardly across her forehead, offsetting the light gray but almost silvery lines that marked the Dalish tattoo on her near perfect face. _Near Perfect, _he hated that the thought had passed through his head; it was hard not to notice the scar that hung just below her left eye in a line that reached to the bridge of her nose. Most never commented on it, especially in her line of work, but he had known her before the thick scar signaling a deep cut had ever appeared on her face. A scar that he knew she had to look at every day and be reminded the _true_ reason why even some Mage's believe they've been cursed by the Maker.

"_**I told you I predicted this would happen. Why did you not heed my warning? She knows you too well Anders, is too close—just tell her—is there a reason you find her no longer deserving of your trust or is she just another abandoned conquest?"**_

The spirit inside him constantly hounded his thoughts. Two minds within the same body; he was no longer _just_ Anders, just as Justice was no longer a benign spirit of Justice, but was now a barely controlled combination of the two. Anders anger had transformed the benign spirits true purpose into something slightly more righteous, Vengeance.

He could still tell the difference between what he considered _his_ thoughts and those wrought by Justices' influence. Justice still held memories from his former host Kristoff, so even if the two were now one he liked to think of it as just having a friend become a permanent internal passenger . . . kind of like a tumor. The irony of the fact that a tumor slowly consumes once healthy tissue and corrupts it with its own personal 'agenda' was not lost on him. Once he was bound to the spirit he knew his life was no longer just limited by the Taint that coursed through his blood, it was all only a matter of time, he just hoped it was enough.

_He could feel his anger bubble at the spirits accusation. "You know more than any other what she means to me. She was never and will never be just some meaningless floozy that fades from thought or memory like a star fading from existence. Which is why I left, I-I can't let her see me like this, __**us**__ like this."_

"_**You want her to accept us, for who or rather**__** what**__** we've become. I cannot say I understand this feeling of reluctance you have, but some of Kristoff's memories taught me the importance that these human relationships have one one's psyche. She is a kind and giving woman, she will not cast you aside for trying to help a friend; it was her that gave you the idea was it not? She could be an important ally to have on our side. Look what she and King Alistair are doing for Ferelden mages; if I were to guess I would assume from previous interactions with her that she would be more than willing to help with our cause."**_

_Anders mentally sighed again. The spirit just didn't understand, everything was a means to an end for him, the greater good. If she was __just__ the Hero of Ferelden it wouldn't matter, but she wasn't. How long had they known one another, how many nights in the Tower had they spent comforting one another, playing cards, sneaking off to the storeroom to drink, chasing away memories of another kind of evil? He couldn't stand knowing how much he must disgust her now . . . for Andraste's sake Justice had just tried to kill her! If he had…_

"_**Do not blatantly assume just because I did not know her as you have, that that would mean I did not too treasure her companionship," the deep intrepid voice boomed inside his head. "While I resided in Kristoff's body she not only protected me, but became my friend; helped show me the injustices done to her and mages everywhere, taught me what it meant to care for someone. She is a woman; though younger than you, worthy of great respect, a voice of justice in an unjust world, worthy of honor and our loyalty."**_

_Anders felt the heat and guilt of Justices' words weight on him. He was right, he had never considered the relationship he had with the Commander, well not since they had merged. He knew the spirit was fond of Searia before, he could even remember how the feelings of jealousy would often creep up when they had traveled together. Well shit . . . _

"_**Do not assume I think her a distraction for **__**you**__** because she is simply a woman and you a man, I think her a distraction because how could she not be?" His voice dropped off suddenly to almost a whisper, "How do you expect to be around her and not want for more? I am a spirit of the Fade and even I was not immune to the want she stirred inside of me, the body I inhabited may have been dead, but the strange emotions that she evoked in me were not so dormant. For this I do not wish her harm Anders, I too would risk much to see her safe—would have sorely regretted her death by our hands maybe more than I should like to admit. She saved our lives more times than counting, she saved Ferelden, does she not also deserve our trust?"**_

"_You loved her," it was not a question._

"_**I do not rightly know."**_

"_How can you say that, it seems fairly obvious?"_

_**It is difficult to discern such human emotions; I have no recollections of my own to go on, just the memories of others. I could not feel her touch as she held my hand or tried to comfort me in an embrace. I longed to feel the caress of her hands on my face or that kiss she placed on my cheek, I found through searching Kristoff's memories that I wanted to return those gestures. I could not tell you what that meant, I only know how she made my mind feel, how I came to care for her through the actions and decisions she made, the choices she had to face. "**_

_Anders not for the first time wished he could temporarily remove the spirit from his body. Like a parasitic conscience he was always there, listening, hearing every thought that crossed his mind whether he wished it or no and vice versa. His opinions and constant stream of questions resounding in his head over every decision that he, (they?) made. But right now he was in some kind of mindless shock and truth be told a bit of jealousy. How had this turned into a lecture about how he was insensitive to Justice's feelings towards their possibly former Commander? Though he was reasonably shocked at that revelation as well._

_Justice had a point though. A distraction, he could certainly see her being that; he could see her being much more than that in fact. Ever since that night at the Keep, he could almost feel her skin under his hands, even as he thought about it now. He wanted her no point in denying that, his body ached for her, but things were different now, complicated. She was with the sodding King and flings were no longer in her vocabulary. He could kick himself for the number of times he rejected her advances in the Tower when they snuck off and got drunk in a store room somewhere; but in all honesty he just hadn't thought of her like that back then. Yes she was beautiful, and yes her reputation for tryst amongst the other mages was almost as infamous as his own, but five years apart made a much bigger difference back then. It was bad enough he was only a couple months away from celebrating his 18__th__ nameday when she had come to him. Knowing that Justice could see those memories as well as knowing how he felt didn't help his guilt._

"_I'm sorry. I didn't mean to assume anything, but the anger . . . I'm not always sure how you'll react. When I saw her alive I should have known that you would never harm her on purpose, she's our friend and you're right, she does deserve our trust. And your right on another point as well, she may very well be a distraction, but just a visual one, it's not as if I have any plans of forcing myself on her." He shuddered at the thought._

"_**Do you fear the ire of the King?"**_

_He laughed mentally and it was an odd thing to experience. Like the thought of a sound but not quite matching what his true voice sounded like, odd. "Though I do not particularly wish for Good King Alistair's ire for sleeping with his… well mistress I guess, although that sound a bit dirtier and underhanded than it is—turned towards me, I am more afraid of our dear Commanders wrath. I can't even imagine how that disaster would turn out, I don't particularly want to either, something about visualizing your entrails on the floor that just turns the stomach, not to mention the simple fact that the mere thought of a man, any man forcing himself on a woman makes me feel physically ill, let alone myself," he shook the thought away, "but I'm getting away from the point. _

"_**Yes, you are. You know very well what I meant, I will never understand this sarcasm that you insist on using, even with yourself I might point out. We both know you'd never force yourself on anyone, but satisfying your bodies baser needs consensually— it's not like any of your past conquests husband's, boyfriend's, or fiancé's have ever stopped you in the past—and I can't imagine why him being King should change anything, it's not as if she's wed or even betrothed."**_

_Anders huffed in mock irritation. "Well for one we both know she could never be "just another conquest" she deserves better than that, even from a possessed grifter apostate like me, he chuckled. "Truth of the matter is whether I like it or not, it would never work. If not for the fact that she's the Kings mistress—which really might not hold me back on its own I mean I DO like a challenge and he is a former Templar, I don't care if he never took his vows—but she's the bloody Hero of Ferelden, AND its Warden-Commander, AND Arlessa of Amaranthine. She killed the sodding Archdemon, which SHOULD have killed her, not that I'm complaining, but you can't really believe that after all that I would be anywhere close to on her radar. I wouldn't stand a chance, and if my some miracle I could still talk her out of her smallclothes, it would undoubtedly change things, and I can't imagine how that could ever turn out well. Plus even without all that nug-shit she's my friend and although I no longer care for her in a strictly "chaste" way, I could never put her in that position, she deserves more then I could ever hope to give her, there's too many risks, were just not compatible."_

"_**Your words are contradictory. In fact you two seem more than just a little compatible. I have observed the memories you share with this woman, and what you have is no little thing. You grew up together did you not, share much of the same history? Have the same friends and I can even sense the residual drive in you to be rid of the Darkspawn, the Taint within your blood making your bond that much closer. I cannot claim to understand everything about human emotions, but I am learning more as I continue to see your interactions with others. Has something happened within your friendship that I have misinterpreted, I find that unlikely but not impossible? Kristoff once had a baffling relationship with a merchant from Orzammar in his memories named Bartrand. Something of a rivalry of sorts, they fought and disliked one another a great deal yet they somehow were still friends, in their own way. You humans are certainly a confusing bunch, so many oddities in the things you do; I cannot keep up nor fathom reasons for most of them."**_

_Anders mentally rolled his eyes at the Spirit, "That's probably for the best. But I meant me and the Commander were not compatible 'together,' you know, long term as . . . mates."_

"_**But—"**_

"_That__," he said cutting him off, "was a onetime thing that happened a lifetime ago, and as a favor. She deserved better, but I couldn't just let that happen, I couldn't let them take that from her."_

"_**In Amaranthine though you—"**_

"_And __that__ was a mistake, end of story."_

"_**And your shoulder, I suppose you have a reasonable excuse for that as well?"**_

"_Part of the mistake, now shut-it. We're just not compatible that way, maybe once long ago, but she's different now, and back then she was too young barely more than a kid in my eyes. For me love is still a bard's tale in a book told to us as children; for her though, she's the main character. No mage has ever dared to fall in love, too much risk, too much to lose in the Tower. Just a few of years ago I'd never thought I'd see the day Searia Amell got serious with a man, and the bloody King at that, at least not seriously, look at her now. The monogamy of it, I just don't see the appeal. _

"_**Say what you will, but denial will only get you so far before the truth catches you like it caught her."**_

"_Mhmm, and how do you figure that?"_

"_**You said it my friend. Love was too much of a risk, gave you too much to lose in the Tower, correct?"**_

_Anders was beyond confused, "So far..."_

"_**Well then it only makes sense to wonder when she realized what you yet haven't."**_

"_And what's that?"_

"_**You're not exactly in the Tower anymore are you?"**_

_And for that Anders had no answer._

* * *

Pulled out of his reverie he watched as she slid her robes high enough up her leg to slide a dagger out of her leather thigh-high boots before she sliced the ropes that bound his wrist signaling Zev to so the same to the ropes behind her. His hands immediately came together rubbing at the chafed skin. Without hesitation Searia took his hands in hers flowing her magic into him once more.

He could have just as easily done the same himself, not that he had truly needed it, a fact he was sure she was just as aware of, healing wasn't exactly her forte. This was her way of apologizing, so he kept silent until she had finished.

All too soon he felt her weight shift as she made to move off of him. His teeth ground together at the loss of her weight over him, trying not to think to hard into what he would have liked to do her while she was up there.

"Awl, heal and dash are you sure, not even gonna let me thank you properly," he asked with a waggle of his eyebrow before he followed suit, getting off the bed and stretching his back. The muscles were tight and stiff but the cracking that emanated was a great relief, he'd fix the rest with magic later.

He could see the smirk appear on her face before she turned to him. "Oh it's so cute how you think a rickety old man like yourself could give me pleasure."

"Well that was hitting below the belt, someone's got some venom in their bite today."

Suddenly his back was shoved against the wall, all the air rushing out of his lungs with a very undistinguished sound. "What the—."

Searia was pressed firmly against him, arms wrapped tight about his neck while her face was pressed almost violently in his pauldrons. After the initial shock wore off his arms wrapped about her hugging her back just as tightly rubbing her back as she shook through her tears.

His eyes met Zevran's face who was looking at the scene before him with unconcealed curiosity, eyebrow hiked up with quizzical amusement. Anders shot him a pleading look, but Zev just shrugged, the look never leaving his face.

Anders couldn't shake the utter feeling of guilt that surrounded him. Searia, crying, this, this was very unlike her. After what he had done… he was just surprised he was still alive let alone in the same room comforting her as she sobbed on his shoulder. He let his thumb trail across the back of her neck, silently snickering at the small shudder that ran through her. He kissed the top of her head, "Shhh, I got ya. We can go kill something and then you'll feel much better."

He felt her sigh and could almost hear her roll her eyes but a slight smile tugged at her lips regardless. "Nothing. I just—it's been a long day and I'm just glad I found you, glad you're okay," she whispered. Another wave of guilt assaulted him as she pulled away, straightening her outfit and wiping away all evidence of the silent tears she had spilt before looking up and smiling at him kindly if not a little woeful. He watched her in silence trying to understand what she was hiding, what had happened—_ and then everything went black._

Jarred suddenly into the Fade Anders stumbled and knocked his head into a something hard before falling to the grassy floor. He looked around and realized he was in Justice's usual residence within the Fade though it was no where he had recognized as ever being before. He hated the Fade but the clearing he was in was beautiful. He was surrounded by the forest with just a glimmer here and there of the multicolored night sky, the sound of a waterfall rushing off the cliffs in the distance the only thing to be heard besides the soft sound of the Fade's recreation of wind.

"_Justice?" he called out into the clearing when he saw no trace of the spirit. Silence was his only answer before he heard the soft rumbling of what sounded like a chuckle coming from the distance. He followed the sound a way and discovered Justice snickering against a tree with a blue somewhat transparent hand covering his mouth stifling the sound. He rubbed a hand over his scalp—I must have hit my head harder than I thought—but the image before him didn't go away._

"_Really Justice? What might I ask is so amusing? What in Andraste's __knickerweasels__ happened, why am I here?" _

"_**Oh, he yet lives; you're not injured much I presume, just unconscious."**_

"_Well how in the Void did that happen? Why didn't you do anything?"_

"_**You deserved it. Twas an injustice righted; even if I don't agree with the violent methods and physical trauma expressed to your bodily form, I have come to realize some humans express their frustrations in a magnitude of ways. Our dear Commander for example prefers physical manifestations of her anger, though I do suppose she held back a bit due to the emotional attachment you share."**_

_Anders wondered momentarily if he had died, this surely must be the Void. "Held back? Are you kidding, she knocked me out, I don't even remember. One minute she was hugging me and the next I'm in this observation chamber called my head arguing with you."_

"_**You know better than I how much she held back. If she had wanted to injure you she would have. She didn't even use magic, she used her fists though I'm not sure what but I can sense some significance in that gesture alone. Traveling with her has made me more aware of her habits than I'm comfortable with. I-I do not wish to dwell on it."**_

_Justice made a point. She'd used her fist… this was not good. "I must have really pissed her off, that was personal. Shit, I had hoped she would let me explain first."_

"_**I'm beginning to think I made the wrong choice in bonding with you, not only are you unfocused, but you're also a surprisingly dim-witted vessel."**_

"_Well it's not like people were running in line to volunteer for the job. So don't criticize my mental capacity, be grateful you're here at all. You could be back in the Fade by yourself doing Maker knows what."_

"_**Yes, eternally grateful. But you shouldn't be so surprised she struck you. What you did wounded her and not just her pride. You have to wonder how long she mourned for you, how long she believe you to be dead before she discovered otherwise. Do you think that was easy for her, did you even stop to consider what repercussions this could have?"**_

"_Of course I did. It was better this way, better she think me dead than an abomination. I-I didn't want to see the look in her eyes when she found out. Even though our cause is just, does that make my choice to take a spirit into my soul any less taboo? Does it make me any better than those that barter with demons and deal in blood magic to protect those that they love, to fend off the Templars? Is it any less dangerous? I mean look what happened as it is! It's not as if I can control myself when you take possession, or can even control when. Just because you harvest no malicious intent on innocents does that mean were any less of a threat? It's a thin line between what we did and demon possession, I don't want to accidently cross it. You have to be just as careful as I am or this could end up my greatest mistake."_

"_**Mistake? You think **__**this**__** your greatest mistake?"**_

"_No, but it easily could be. We have to think before we do anything, we can't risk the lives of the innocents around us."_

"_**I agree, but should your life be in danger I will not hesitate to act. We have to find a way you can get in better control. Your anger will be the death of you, you have to have control over your emotions before we can work on how to bring me forward by will. It is not a pleasant experience to be launched forward from the dormant state I am in within you, maybe she can help."**_

"_Maybe she can, we'll see how she reacts. It's the only choice we have for now, and while I trust her, I fear this will inevitably change things."_

"_**Would you rather I told her? While you are unconscious I have the liberty of taking over should you or I wish it. It may help her understand if she can see for herself that I am indeed within you."**_

"_You want to talk with her don't you?"_

"_**I-yes. I wish to converse with her once again. It will be something of a novelty to do so in a living vessel. It will I think bring me peace to tell her what happened as I saw it."**_

"_Go, but don't be too long. It gets uncomfortable in here after a while."_

_**He nodded, "thanks friend."**_

* * *

*******A/N:**** Okay I know, I know I've probably ruined Justice for all of you, but I couldn't get the idea out of my head. What if Justice was in "love" with out dear Warden but never dared to do anything ****not**** because of Alistair or for lack of wanting, but because his body was for lack of a better term was a walking corpse. Justice in Awakening was rather blunt, but a nice guy/spirit overall and I wanted to explore him in a deeper sense. In my mind since Justice had all Kristoff's memories, and he was such a curious character after all always asking questions about the human psyche and behavior that wouldn't he at the very least be a bit curious about some of the more intimate practices once he found out that the parts just weren't for breeding anyhow. **

**Speaking of that I think I'm going to be putting up 2 new stories. Both a series of one shots. One for the SWTWC universe called **_**Behind the Veil: Tales Not Told **_**with pre stuff added so you can see how they used to act with one another (might eventually write a whole story on them from Awakening and Origins but not yet) and one for misc. one shots from contest and random prompts & pairings called **_**Questing Thedas**__**.**_

**Let me know what you think, as always love you all. Comment/Review**


End file.
